Unless the LORD builds the house...

A bitter pill to swallow
Judy and I sat down in the specialists’ West Perth office to receive the test results we had been anxiously waiting for. And then he said it; “You will never have children…”

Certainly a bitter pill to swallow for both of us, but especially for Judy, who, from a very young age had always wanted to get married and have children. And now, after eight years of marriage and trying to start a family with no success, the medical prognosis was clinical and clear – we would never be able to have children. The test results indicated at the time that both our bodies had adverse medical conditions proving conclusively that we were infertile – that word was tough to hear and even tougher to say out loud.

The news hit us pretty hard. It cut us deeply and stirred up a whole mixture of emotions and related questions. Up until this point in time we had chosen not to share much of this journey with more than just a few of our closest family and friends – it was just too personal and too difficult to talk about. And now we would need to let people know what we were having to accept as reality for us.

As Christians our faith and trust in God had been surely tested. Why would a good God allow this to happen to us? After some time Judy and I reluctantly came to accept that we would never be parents, that she would never be able to truly celebrate Mother’s Day and I think we pretty much agreed to stop praying for God to break through and change our situation.

Encountering hope
Some five years after having been told of our condition, we heard about a Christian woman who was coming to speak at our local church Mum’s group on the topic of infertility. Judy looked me in the eye and strongly encouraged me to go along to the meeting with her. I went along with Judy and was the only guy present amongst a group of forty women – an interesting dynamic for sure!

As we sat and listened to the speaker’s story, we both sensed that God was communicating personally and directly to us. We listened intently. Everything she said resonated so well.

To sum up the woman’s story, she and her husband had once been in a similar position to ourselves, having been told they could never have children, and then over time were directed by God along a different path, a path that would ultimately lead to them conceiving a child and giving birth for the first time.

Could it be that this might also become our experience..? we thought. At the conclusion of the meeting Judy and I spent some time interacting with the speaker. She listened and she talked us through more of her own experience, demonstrating support and sensitivity and offering just a slight glimmer of hope.

Testing times
We didn’t hesitate to make an appointment with a local Perth fertility clinic (interestingly it was the same practice we had seen the specialist through previously). We found the staff to be friendly and understanding. This was followed by many more appointments along with numerous tests. We were told that technology had advanced somewhat in recent years - we found this encouraging. It was certainly an enlightening and financially challenging process, with so much to learn and a number of lifestyle changes required (including taking fertility drugs and observing a strict diet and exercise regime). I won’t go into any more process details at this time (it’s complicated!) but we are willing to share this with anyone who may be interested. As we embarked on this pathway we decided we would invite a broader group of people into the process. We wanted to be as open as possible with what we were going through; seeking the prayers and support of people we loved and trusted. Judy and I figured that whether we were able to conceive and have a child or not we would still need support. Our local church was particularly helpful in this regard for which we were very thankful.

Conception miracle
“Who will make the phone call to the Clinic to get the results?” was the question we asked each other when it came time to find out if we were pregnant or not. I agreed to make that call.

It was about a year after hearing God speak to us at our local church Mum’s group that we learned we were going to have a baby, and nine months later after a very healthy (and happy!) pregnancy Judy gave birth to our first child in March 1996; a son, named Scott – we knew he was a gift from God.

But wait, there’s more
Judy really savoured her first-ever Mother’s day which fell within 6 weeks of Scott arriving on the scene. Wonderful. A year or so later, Judy and I were out to dinner when she leant across the table and said to me; “I want to have another baby and I’m prepared to go through the entire process again.” Could it just be possible that we might be able to have another child? I’ve learnt not to argue too much with Judy (especially when she sets her mind on something!), so once again we went down the fertility clinic journey and once again we included those people who had supported us so well through the process previously. What an absolute joy it was for us to learn that, following another intense period of testing and tracking, Judy had conceived and we were going to have another baby – incredible!

And so, after another healthy pregnancy, Judy gave birth to our second child in November 1998; another son, named Timothy, who was born at exactly the same time of day and at the same birth weight of number one son, Scott.

And more…
Our family was now complete and we were very content to have been gifted with two healthy boys. Judy and I agreed that we would not go back to the fertility clinic again – it was time to focus on other things now, which would of course include the daily joys and challenges of raising a family.

About 18 months after Tim’s arrival, Judy was feeling sick - she knew this feeling well and could relate it back to two previous instances. Can you imagine our shock and delight when, following a visit to our local doctor it was confirmed that Judy was pregnant, again – we were going to have another baby…super-naturally!! Judy’s third pregnancy was relatively uneventful and she gave birth to our third child, another healthy son, Liam, in September 2000.

God speaks by a river
A year or so after Liam’s birth I was taking one of my regular personal retreat days by a local river. At the time Judy and I were experiencing a season of spiritual restlessness – it was as though God was up to something and we sensed He was preparing us for something new, but we were clueless as to what this might look like. We were doing our best to be faithful to the children and the ministry of Youth Ministries Australia (YMA) we had been called to care for and lead. We were earnestly seeking God about what might be next for us.

During my retreat I was directed to read Psalm 127;

Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.

Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

God captured my attention and my heart through this short passage of Scripture. I could see a very personal application to these words from God. I could easily identify with what had been written about home, work and family and the need to adopt a perspective which sees God and His work at the centre of it all. God was also using this passage to confirm that our (three) sons were a heritage and a reward from Him! I hurried home to share and unpack with Judy what I had been hearing from God. It was a rich time indeed. This line-in-the-sand encounter with God and His Word was something we wanted to ensure would be retained as a foundation for the way we would live out our lives into God’s preferred future.

More surprises, more changes
It was only a month or so after having read Psalm 127 that Judy and I became aware of two new pieces of information that were to have major implications for our family. Firstly, there was a need, an opportunity and a clear calling for Judy and I to embrace the National Leadership role within the ministry of YMA. This in itself would present some significant challenges for us, including the need to relocate our family from Perth to Sydney within six months. God had clearly been preparing us for this. As well as speaking to us through Psalm 127, God had also been telling Judy to “Get the house in order.” We were soon able to discern that not only was God wanting us to do what was necessary to sell and leave our Perth home but He was also speaking about how He wanted to use us to help get the YMA house in order (the Ministry was in an obvious state of disrepair at the time). We were definitely “up” for this sobering challenge and desired to do whatever was required to stay aligned with God and His purposes. Obedience was the call.

Secondly, around this same time Judy said she was feeling sick again, and by now she (and I) knew what this could potentially mean…a fourth pregnancy! And yes, sure enough, the results came back from our doctor in the positive – we were going to have yet another baby! It didn’t take us long to do the maths to realize that not only would be relocating across Australia whilst Judy was pregnant, but this would mean Judy would be giving birth in a new city, some 6 months after moving into our new home, suburb and ministry role – crazy times – God help us!!

Life and times in the big city
Without going into all the specifics, we can testify that the hand of the Lord was surely with us in everything that transpired in the lead-up to leaving Perth and the relocation that followed, enabling us to start well in our new Sydney surrounds. Judy safely gave birth to our fourth child, this time a daughter, Caitlin, in June 2002. Who would have thought that this would ever be possible?! God enabled us to see such an amazing (even miraculous) transformation before our very eyes – He had taken us from a place of barrenness and infertility to a place of very fertile greener pastures...literally!

Over and over, God confirmed His presence and His provision to us – we had no doubt that, in the words of the psalmist;

“The boundary lines have fallen for me (us) in pleasant places; surely I(we) have a delightful inheritance.” (Psalm 16:6)

Those first few years in Sydney had their fair share of challenges, especially from a ministry perspective. Hindsight informs us that, if you’ll excuse me mixing the metaphors, God was taking YMA through a season of house-cleaning and hard-pruning, resulting in many people leaving the ministry. Since then, the Lord has clearly been reconfirming His calling and vision upon the ministry and we are expectant of more great advances for His Kingdom to follow, as God continues to gather more people around His heart and purposes today.

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This is just some of our story – in many ways this is our UNDER-story…the story that can be read and told as being foundational and formational to who we are becoming and what we are about as a family, as we seek to faithfully follow Jesus every day.

What about you…? Can you identify and describe your own under-story?? Are you able to discern what God has been doing and saying and teaching you throughout the unfolding pages and chapters of your life and the lives of those people He is entrusting to your care and influence? I hope you are able to do so. And, I hope that our amazing God will enable your story to be lived and told with assurance and passion so that others may come to know and trust and follow Him, all the days of their lives.

Thanks for reading this post - I'm hoping to share some more (shorter posts?!) about what God is teaching me as I seek to follow Jesus and influence others to do the same. Judy and I welcome the opportunity to engage with you and your story should you so choose to share the journey with us...